Setting Realistic Intentions for the New Year
Many people approach the New Year with hope and motivation, only to find themselves feeling overwhelmed or discouraged a few weeks later. If your New Year’s resolutions have already begun to feel heavy or unsustainable, you are not alone. This experience is extremely common and does not reflect a lack of effort or willpower.
New Year’s resolutions are often intended to support growth and well-being, yet for many people they lead to increased pressure, guilt, or self-criticism. From a mental health perspective, this reaction makes sense. The way resolutions are commonly framed can unintentionally activate perfectionism, comparison, and nervous system stress rather than support meaningful change.
This article explores why traditional New Year’s resolutions often backfire and how shifting toward intention-setting can be a more supportive, values-aligned approach to change.
Why Traditional New Year’s Resolutions Often Backfire
Unrealistic Expectations
Many resolutions are created without considering a person’s current emotional, physical, or mental capacity. When life already feels demanding, adding rigid or high-intensity expectations can increase stress rather than promote well-being.
Common examples include:
“I’ll work out for 30 minutes every day.”
“I’ll stop feeling anxious.”
“I’ll never eat out again.”
While well-intentioned, these goals often overlook important factors such as energy levels, nervous system regulation, and competing responsibilities. When expectations are not aligned with real-life capacity, they become difficult to sustain and may reinforce feelings of failure when they are not met.
Perfectionism and All-or-Nothing Thinking
Many people—particularly high achievers—carry an internal belief that change must be immediate and consistent to “count.” When a resolution is disrupted, even briefly, it can trigger all-or-nothing thinking such as, “I’ve already failed, so there’s no point continuing.”
From a clinical perspective, this mindset often undermines motivation and replaces curiosity with shame. Instead of supporting growth, resolutions can become another measure of self-worth.
Disconnection From Personal Needs and Values
External influences—such as social media, productivity culture, or societal expectations—can shape resolutions more than personal values or emotional readiness. Comparison can override self-awareness, making it harder to recognize what is actually supportive in a given season of life.
Sustainable change is particularly challenging when:
Emotional overwhelm is present
Someone is operating in survival mode
Long-standing beliefs of “not being enough” are activated
Motivation is driven primarily by external pressure
Without adequate emotional capacity or regulation, even well-planned goals can feel exhausting or unattainable.
Why Intentions Often Feel More Supportive Than Goals
Goals typically focus on outcomes or behaviors.
Intentions emphasize values, internal experience, and direction.
For example:
Goal: “I will exercise every day.”
Intention: “I want to care for my body in ways that feel respectful and sustainable.”
Intentions tend to:
Allow flexibility rather than rigidity
Reduce perfectionistic pressure
Support values-based decision-making
Encourage awareness of small, meaningful efforts
From a mental health lens, intentions help shift focus away from performance and toward presence, self-compassion, and alignment with personal values.
Gently Shifting From Goals to Intentions
Step 1: Begin With Reflection
Rather than starting with what needs to be “fixed,” intention-setting begins with curiosity. Reflecting on underlying values can clarify what kind of support is actually needed.
Helpful reflection questions may include:
What feels most important to me right now?
What supported my well-being last year?
What felt draining or unsustainable?
What kind of change would feel supportive rather than punishing?
What value is underneath this desire (e.g., calm, connection, health, self-compassion)?
This process allows goals to be reshaped into intentions that reflect care rather than pressure.
Step 2: Plan for Real Life
Intentions are most effective when they are grounded in current circumstances, not idealized expectations. Growth does not always mean doing more; sometimes it involves slowing down, simplifying, or allowing for rest.
Rather than creating rigid rules, consider choosing a general direction. For example, instead of “never eating out,” an intention might be “prioritizing home-prepared meals while allowing flexibility for connection and enjoyment.”
This approach supports consistency without relying on shame or self-criticism.
Step 3: Practice Compassionate Check-Ins
Rather than strict schedules, some people find it helpful to track intentions over longer timeframes (such as monthly). Checking off instances of supportive behavior—without assigning specific days—can reduce pressure while still reinforcing awareness and progress.
This type of compassionate tracking emphasizes accumulation rather than perfection and reinforces the idea that small, repeated actions are meaningful.
(A free reflection worksheet is available to support this process.)
Closing Thoughts
New Year’s resolutions are often framed as a measure of discipline or success, but from a mental health perspective, sustainable change is more closely linked to self-awareness, flexibility, and compassion. Growth does not require perfection, nor does it follow a strict timeline.
Intentions can be revisited, adjusted, or paused as needed. They are not commitments to constant productivity, but invitations to move in a direction that aligns with values and capacity. Change can begin at any point in the year and can look different from one season to the next.
Supporting well-being often starts not with doing more, but with listening more closely—to your needs, your limits, and what feels genuinely supportive right now.
Sources & Further Reading
Robert Kos Therapy. (2025, December 25). How to make New Year’s resolutions that actually last: A therapist’s guide. https://www.robertkostherapy.com/l/new-years-resolutions-therapist-guide/ robertkostherapy.com
Jones, T. (2025, December 26). How to choose a New Year’s resolution that actually supports your well-being. Renew Counseling. https://renew-counseling.org/how-to-choose-a-new-years-resolution-that-actually-supports-your-well-being/ Tiffany Jones | Renew Counseling
Choosing Therapy, Inc. (2024). Healthy New Year worksheets [PDF]. https://www.choosingtherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/09/Healthy-New-Year-Worksheets.pdf ChoosingTherapy.com
Stewart, B. (2025, December 13). How to create meaningful New Year’s resolutions that stick. Wellspring Therapy Associates. https://www.wellspringtherapyassociates.com/blogs/how-to-create-meaningful-new-years-resolutions-that-stick
